Permission & Practice

Resists, Blooms, and Bold Marks

Hello dearest reader,

I’ve been looking through my copy of Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert lately, reading all the quotes I underlined and notes I wrote in the margins. It takes me back to eleven years ago when I first got the book, right when it came out, and where I was at then. How far I’ve come, not only as an artist but with all the layers that had to be shed or taken off to be able to share the work I do today.

There’s this one quote I had underlined on page 156: “People don’t do this kind of thing because they have all kinds of extra time and energy for it. They do this kind of thing because their creativity matters to them enough that they are willing to make all kinds of extra sacrifices for it.”

I think back to that time, eleven years ago, when I was just slowly forming what would be my first website ever, creating from a place that felt as true as it could at the time. So many more layers had to be taken off before I was really creating from the truest part of myself, but I think that’s also part of the learning experience, the peeling back.

So much of what I wanted to be creating, I was scared to do because of the culture I grew up in, the microculture religiously speaking. I knew that combining energy work with painting would be looked at with side eye and uncomfortable comments, that it would make people in my life uncomfortable. As a relationship girl, that loves to keep the peace, this was a big ask from my soul.

But my own core knowings and longings weren’t new concepts or beliefs for me. So many of these core truths came from early on, as a little girl, through lived experience.

I lived a pretty sheltered life, and I’ve become incredibly grateful for that. Not because it was perfect, but because I had the spaciousness to form my beliefs from my own lived experience. I was homeschooled for most of my childhood. We didn’t even have a TV in our home until I was about 10, and when we did, we didn’t get local channels. We just had a TV to watch movies on, VHS films that were simple and sweet.

And yet, so many of the experiences I was having as a little girl, the things I felt and saw and knew without being taught, those aligned with what I would later discover in esoteric and mystical teachings.

I’m not saying one path is right and another is wrong. I’m just saying that when I found language and practices that matched what I had already been experiencing or felt in my heart, it felt like a beautiful and exciting home coming. Like finally having words for something my heart had always known.

And there’s so much love in that recognition. So much freedom in being able to create from that place.

So it took years to get to the place where I was ready to paint from this access point, and a lot of persistence and devotion went into it as I was also refining my new relationship with watercolor.

I'm not sharing this as a "look at me" story, or to suggest your path should look like mine. I'm just letting you know that showing up with this kind of devotion and persistence brought me so much peace and freedom, to create from a place that was truly authentic and full of love, even if not everyone understood what I was doing.

Many people still don’t, and that’s totally okay. I truly believe love covers me in that, and love covers them too, and we can be free to be ourselves and think differently. But it was really important for me, in my own soul’s growth, to continue to show up in this devotion, even if it was alone in my own experience.

That same kind of permission, that willingness to show up even when you’re afraid, it doesn’t just apply to the big life decisions. Yes, it shows up in the small moments too. Whether you’re willing to scrape boldly through wet paint, let a bloom be what it is instead of trying to fix it, or trust yourself enough to experiment with a technique you’ve never tried before. This is all very important to think on when it comes to intuitive painting.

Fear shows up everywhere (yay!). In the big choices and the small marks. And the practice is the same: you feel it, and you create anyway. Fear doesn't have to be the big scary kind to be fear. Maybe a better way to describe it is just noticing the very real somatic experience of your body contracting or expanding. That hesitation before you try something new, that voice that says "I'm just not good at art," that's often just fear talking.

This week’s lesson is about technique, yes, but it’s also about permission, fear, and persistence. Contemplating and making space for what wants to come through.

The techniques we get into with this lesson, are tools, but what I believe really matters is taking the time to sit with what's wanting to happen through you! This is the work in all areas of our life right now! To listen and trust and keep showing up, even if or when you don't have it all figured out.

The fear doesn't aways leave, honestly. But… you can learn to create with it in the room.

What We’re Exploring This Week

This week we're exploring resists, blooms, and scraping. Three techniques that expand on texture, and that ask you to let go of controlling every outcome. These techniques are also about discovering how you make marks, what feels true when your hand moves on the paper. Each person creates their own unique marks, and paying attention to that is part of making meaning to what's coming through you.

We’re also going into the themes from Big Magic about fear, creative blocks, and giving yourself permission to create on your own terms.